Is It Marriage Or Marmalade?


If you’re a married person, and you’re truly in “marriage”, I can assure you that it’ll survive the tests, winds and change of times, but if it is a “marmalade”, then, there’s a problem that needs sorting out. For the benefit of those who may need to know what marmalade is; it is a sweet jelly that contains pieces of fruits and sometimes honey; it goes very well with bread pastries etc. Hmmmnnn! Can you imagine that’s how some marriages have become? How? Its sweetness is short-lived like marmalade which is only useful on the breakfast table.

I will like to emphasize some negative indicators in marriage that portend that couple should undergo some positive changes in their marriage relationship otherwise such marriage could slide into a “marmalade” state. I know that not all of my readers are married people, but it’s important to pay attention to what I have to say, for they could be the survival tips one needs at some situations in the days ahead. It’s instructive to note that some marriages undergo winds of negative change at the very beginning, some at the mid-life, while others occur at latter times.

Some of the things that trigger the changes could be summarized with what I call “The Three Deadly B’s” (I will mention just one in this write-up).

The first deadly “B” in marriage is when couples become too BUSY for each other; most times the busyness happens to distract one from some dullness in the relationship. Yes; dullness necessitated by lack of intimacy. You can never be too busy with someone you have intimacy with; you’ll still find a space to accommodate each other. Let me add here that intimacy in the sense I’m talking about is a quality of life, not necessarily the quantity of time that a couple spends together as some folks oftentimes will like to think.

In my last article I talked about the technological and cyber revolution we’re currently being inundated with, that is fast altering the way we live, work, relate to one another etc. All these techno-culture is fast widening the gaps between family members, and especially between couples. It is making us to develop greater intimacy with members of cyber community than members of our households and this have torn so many marriages to shreds.

Thanks unto God for the possibilities of technology that has been able to connect billions of people by mobile devices, with unprecedented processing power, storage capacity, and unlimited access to knowledge, with attendant breakthroughs, but unfortunately we have recorded little breakthroughs in family and marriage relationships, rather, the age-old institution of marriage and family is fast losing its shine.

In many families everybody seems to be on their own, with little or no time for family fellowship; this makes me wonder if truly we’re doing marriage or merely eating marmalade(s). We need some change, in fact serious change in the way we relate with our spouses according to biblical advise of leaving and cleaving is what we really need at this time. Carry each other along in every decision making activities and you’ll sure notice that each day of your relationship with each will be a PLUS.

Written by Deacon Archibong Williams Attang

To be continued.